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Protection is Self-Love

It’s been brought to my awareness how it’s a daily practice to strengthen your spiritual muscles and set boundaries and make sure you implement them. It’s for your protection. Protection is an act of self-love. I have been in situation the last few months of this year where lessons and cycles I’ve been in, I have had to apply the knowledge of what I learned or I have been shown where I can still grow and heal from the situations. Often times, you are presented with similar energies but in a different form it’s showing you where you have progressed and where you can improve a little bit more.

I have been in a perpetual cycle of fear and not speaking up for myself and that has shown up in a lot of ways for me. I would come across people that feel that knew what I needed or I wouldn’t say no to certain situations that didn’t feel good to me. This year, I have learned (and still actively learning) to trust my intuition and how to set boundaries and stand firm in those boundaries. I care about how I feel and I have spent too much time in spaces where I didn’t feel good and I have decided that I would do things and be in spaces that feel good to me, It has been a personal mission for myself. I have broken out of the fear a lot and have been exercising my voice and it feels good.

Protection has become a daily practice, Protecting my energy, peace, happiness, joy, stability, mind, love, money, space, and everything that I have built for myself in recent years…months. Forces seen and unseen, known and unknown have a way of trying to distract you, even yourself can be this very person/energy to get you off your square. Not everyone has your best intention at heart nor know, respect or care what you are or have created for yourself. Those things must me covered. Protection doesn’t always come in the form of lighting a candle. It’s simply saying “No”, Choosing to react in a different way you would generally react, Being Selfish and Loving yourself unconditionally. What ever way that your peace and comfort is meant to be obtained for you. You fought so hard to get to where you are now.

Stay protected.

Stay in your Truth

Stay in love

Stay Ready.

Love & Blessings ❤

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You’re the antidote!

Self-Love and Self-care comes in so many forms. It’s not just taking yourself out to your favorite restaurant or mani pedis. Saying “No” (which is a complete sentence), taking off work when you’re not feeling well, taking action on an idea that you have either for a business or creative project ( like starting a blog, writing a book, painting etc), speaking up for yourself when needed, listening to your intuition. We tend to put ourselves on the back burner time and time again to be the sacrificial lamb of a reality that doesn’t feel good to us. We often develop these false perceptions of what you really need or who others think you are to be because we are too busy trying to please other people instead of ourselves. We want to make sure everybody else is good and THEN ourselves.

We are the most important people in our lives, if we aren’t in a good space physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, How can we be better spouses, parents, friends, co-workers, business owners etc? Often times that’s not a thought or an idea, it’s neglected, We so often without meaning to abandon ourselves. I have worked in the In Home Healthcare field for 8 years and it’s always sad the stories my patients tell. Life unlived and the reality hit when they are on their death bed. Doing so much to make others happy that they weren’t at all happy or fulfilled that was definitely an eye-opener for me. We have this false idea to keep pushing and going non-stop without any concerns with how WE are feeling disregarding our bodies, mind and emotional distress. UNTIL something drastic happens and we are forced to sit down, for some it’s indefinitely! This is detrimental to our well-being. We tend to crash and burn ourselves out, get sick, emotional and mental distress. It’s important for us to be in a space of self-preservation it isn’t selfish to want to take care of ourselves nor should we feel guilty. We don’t realize how conditioned we are to neglect ourselves and think it’s “the norm” It’s not normal to neglect ourselves and leave ourselves in a space of ruin.
We have to get out of this energy of putting ourselves last to the extent of losing ourselves, We have to become more aware of WHO WE ARE and WHAT WE NEED and being okay with receiving it and embracing it. It’s not always easy breaking these conditions. If you want better for yourself, it is worth the obstacles that will be thrown at you. It’s time to evolve out of this space of not wanting to put ourselves first for a change. It’s time to stop making excuses as why we aren’t taking care of ourselves, Ignoring our health mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually for the sake of other people and most cases the people we neglect ourselves for do not care about us anyway, Projections. Sometimes, these reflections are uncomfortable to look at but you can see those spaces where you neglect and abandon yourself. We’ve watched people before us just forget about themselves. Worn down and tired, Frustrated and unable to cope, shutting themselves in a room to cry because they don’t want to see the world around them falling a part. It can be daunting to break out of the way things have been. But being compassionate and standing true to this new way of being for yourself… to be better for yourself and in turn extending out to those around you.
What do you think you can do to make yourself a priority without guilt? Why do you think you haven’t taken time for yourself?

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The journey of restoring yourself after trauma.

The journey of self is a very challenging, uncomfortable and painful experience but it is very much fulfilling realizing how far you have come when at some point you didn’t think you would ever get to the point you currently are. You realize how many layers you really have. You discover parts of yourself you figured you healed from….You really didn’t, you sat it on the back burner and dealt with it in the way that best fit you in that version of yourself but at some point it gets time to really dive deep and deal with it appropriately. Restoring yourself after trauma is definitely, especially when you weren’t fully aware that certain events were traumatic or you felt got over it.

A lot of times we compartmentalize experiences that we had for the sake of protecting ourselves, sometimes, we honestly don’t want to deal with it anyway because, again, we felt we dealt with it. We have to face those experiences in many different forms in order for us to fully heal and be the version of ourselves that we are meant to be. Healing happens in layers and over time, It’s a life long journey. So, How do you deal while restoring yourself? When you are triggered by things you felt you got over? Be compassionate with yourself, Don’t ignore that call of your inner child, your inner teenager, your inner truth to heal through and face it. A lot of times we suffer from some form of PTSD ( I am not at all a doctor of any kind but there’s that energy of unchecked mental health issues that align with certain experiences we’ve had) We have to be committed to loving ourselves through this healing. Be graceful, sometimes we will potentially back track to certain habits that we used to deal with these experiences.

You can feel it in your body when you are having triggering experiences as if it is happening again at this moment, there has been researches that have shown this as a connection with a lot of people that endured abuse, war vets, etc. It’s imperative to restore yourself before the trauma because it sits in your body there’s no running when you get the call to heal. Especially when you see the connection with people in your family that have dealt with the same cycle of trauma and realize it’s time for this to end for the betterment of those that are to come after you. As women, we definitely hold these energies in our womb and need to clear and cleanse it out of these impurities. Unhealed trauma and manifest in your life in a lot of ways be it in body as an illness or projected as a reflection of you through another person. When you are triggered it is not time to run and hide, it’s time to face it and release it. Go to therapy, spiritual advisor, take up boxing, painting, writing etc. Whatever it takes for you to express yourself and heal yourself letting it all out. Don’t be afraid to fear these things.

Sometimes, we are so comfortable with the traumas because we have no idea who we are outside of our traumas, We’ve internalized these experiences that they start to trickle down to certain areas of our lives and can cause unnecessary blocks and stagnation and don’t fully get why. I had to overcome the effects that emotional and verbal abuse had on me, they manifested very subtly I didn’t really equate it to these things and just felt this just how I am but there’s a root to all things this had me in a space of avoidance of confrontation, hate being yelled at or hearing people yell, emotionally distant, not speaking up for myself, victimizing myself, feeling abandoned, unloved, not accepted; like I didn’t belong anywhere. I realized the source of why I was like this and how it didn’t benefit me but I swore I healed through it. I noticed I blamed a lot of this on myself at some capacity I felt I deserved it without realizing that nothing I did was merit for the abuse I experienced, I realized too, how I interacted with people that ALLOWED me to keep that same energy of this being my fault. I dated people that triggered me showing me how and where I was emotionally unavailable, when I thought I was protecting myself, I was really denying myself what I said that I wanted because I didn’t feel I was deserving of it. When a person raise their voice, I realized I flinched, they didn’t mean anything by it but it triggered something in me, when I people would want to do something for me I would feel like I didn’t deserve it and that there was a catch. Gifts were synonymous to abuse for me.

For the longest I thought I had overcome this whole experience, but I just dealt with it by dissociating from it. A lot of the time I was gaslighting myself and feeling I was in denial and that what happened was normal and necessary at some point, I saw areas in which I kept shrinking myself, when I should’ve spoke up for myself and didn’t. Those times when I was a people pleaser because I didn’t want anyone to be upset with me. Living my life walking on eggshells around people because of fear of how they would react if I went against what they felt. When I took my healing journey seriously all of this resurfaced and I had no choice but to face it and own it for what it was and hold myself accountable for what role I played in my current space. What I mean by holding myself accountable is how I ALLOWED people to treat me when I knew it didn’t feel good.

I am in the current space in my journey where I am not hiding from myself and my experience. I have learned to be compassionate with myself, gentle and love on myself in all areas. I have learned to be compassionate with myself, gentle and love on myself in all areas. I first had to admit that I was even abused, I believe I had a certain idea of what abuse was and I didn’t feel what I experienced was valid, Webster’s definition of abuse is ” improper or excessive use or treatment : misuse drug abuse 3: language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily verbal abuse a term of abuse” For the longest I felt abuse was just a physical thing. But this abuse hurts just the same and cut as deep as physical. I grew up with friends that reflected this back to me it didn’t resonate with me until my early 20’s ( I am 28) when I had a Spiritual Coach and it was laid out for me. That awareness brought about a whole shift for me that I am honestly grateful for though that was painful and uncomfortable to face.

The idea that I was abused just seemed like an overwhelming energy to put out into the universe. I know words hold a certain weight to it but that was an excuse to cape for my abuser. I figured me admitting this made me a victim versus overcoming it. This was a new layer of my journey I had to heal from. To understand this energy, I had to go through the relationships that the women in my family had with their mothers or any women in their family for that matter. I had to learn that what was said or done to me wasn’t a reflection of me but of what they experienced and how they internalized a lot of what they themselves experienced. Once I got out of the energy of seeking someone to blame and just focused on making sure I restored myself to who I know I am I was able to release and become more aware of when I was triggered and where it came from. It was a lot for me to be patient with myself, to not gaslight myself an be so hard on myself about the process. I started asking my Ancestors and Angels to assist me with having a healthy relationship with myself in order for me to have a healthy relationship with others. My bigger picture, is to end this cycle with me, to be able to have a healthy relationship with my future children, to be present; emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. To have cup that’s overflowing with love and healing that I don’t have to project any of this on to them. It’s a bit easier when you know your personal why in your journey. I was sick of my own shit and knew I didn’t to evolve and adding the fact I want way better for my future children was an added bonus.

It gets rough but remembering the reason why you started all of this in the first place is one of the things that can help keep you going. I started my blog to reinstate my voice. To give myself permission to heal out loud and be in the open. It’s time to accept ourselves wholly & fully. Don’t let your wounds stop your from being all that you’re meant to

Love, Peace & Liberation!🦋💞🌻

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It’s a Full Moon, What are you releasing?

Today is the last Full Moon of the year, the decade, I am always more effected by the Full Moons. I’m sure it has to do with being born during the Full Moon plus my Ruling planet is the Moon. A lot of things have been coming up for me this last few weeks, I feel a sense of things “wrapping up” in some cycle that I am in (How fitting this Full Moon falls on 12/12. 1212 is a number of spiritual awakening, manifestation and staying focused. The day also breaks down to 333(9) which i represents completion) I am feeling a sense of relief though it has definitely been filled with discomfort, tears, frustrations, anger. You name it, I have pretty much been feeling it. This morning as I was centering myself, I realized that to sum up all that I have been experiencing on a deep level was showing me how I didn’t love myself unconditionally and what places within myself I keep trying to hide away from and to some extent pretend these shadow aspects don’t exist.

It’s easy to love when the day is filled with rainbows, sunshine and unicorns but in those spaces when it’s dark and gloomy THAT’S when you need to love the most. I hadn’t realized I wasn’t truly loving myself through and in those spaces. Through random bouts of feeling inadequate, jealousy, frustration, rejection, unworthy, lonely, denial, stuck, and confused. I would acknowledge these feelings arise and work on figuring out why do I feel like this, I noticed it came more from a space of judgement than a space of compassion and love, It was more of a “Ewww this is gross to feel this way, Why the fuck is this even a thing for get rid of it” I have been doing a lot of inner child healing and releasing as of late and I realize these were feelings I remember feeling as a child, I even hated it then. These aspects were just swept under the rug for so long, I cleaned up other areas of my being but didn’t think to lift up the rug and see what was underneath it.

I removed the rug and saw so much mess up under it that I had to sit and sort through and clean up. I am learning it is okay to revel in the mess. To own it and love it into a healing space. How can I transmute these energies into something that could benefit me instead of acting as if they don’t exist. I know it all comes from this sense of seeking “perfection” Growing up I felt I had to be this perfect person, that’s why I didn’t feel I was genuinely loved because I wasn’t perfect. It was always projected that what I did, wasn’t good enough and/or it could be A LOT better. I internalized that and kept having these expectations of myself that I couldn’t reach. Striving for this illusion of perfection. The reality of it, like most children, I knew who I was, I may not have had the words to always express it but I knew but overtime, I was programmed to think otherwise.

There’s this idea that children don’t have much sense of things when in reality a lot of them do. Most of them have been here more times than you have. I was a child like that, I knew things without knowing how I knew. Old soul, wise beyond my years and that tend to make people uncomfortable. I grew to understand that my parents did the best they could with what they knew. They were young parents still processing and overcoming their own issues they had with their parents and of course it was projected towards me and I internalized it all like a sponge. I am grateful to have grown into who I am now and becoming where I am able to parent myself, nurture myself in the way that I need. In my journey of self-love, I am learning about unconditional love and learning to love myself unconditionally.

I choose to no longer ignore my darker parts, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel or ugly and cringey it may look. I love, nourish, nurture, embrace and heal those aspects of who I am. It’s just the wounds of my inner child seeking attention and guidance. I love myself wholly and soulfully. I am releasing the fear of loving ALL OF ME. The self-judgement, lack of compassion, not listening to those deeper parts of myself, , I release self-rejection, neglect and abandonment. The experiences that I grew up in and internalized and started to project within myself. I am fearless in the love I give to myself, I love myself without critic and judgement, with compassion and passion, with the intent to listen to all parts of me because every part of me is valued and worthy of the same love and attention. I accept and embrace all of me with courage, strength, playfulness and wisdom.

Growth is a constant state of being. There’s never a time that you aren’t growing at some capacity. Healing is a never-ending venture. I have accepted and answered the call of my soul. I am and will be loving, loved, liberated, wild, grounded, playful, sensual, sacred, important, valuable, worthy and imperfectly perfect. What are some things that you are healing and releasing this Full Moon? Do you love yourself unconditionally? Extend the love you tend to give to others to yourself. Extend the benefit of the doubt, the grace and integrity back into your being and see how things around you and inside you shift.
Happy Full Moon!

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Phasing

The level of vulnerability I know I need in this next phase of my journey is so uncomfortable & unsettling, it gives me anxiety. I get the gist as to why but I’m mainly working on pushing through & not being in my head about it.
Especially when I’m in a space of service & healing. It’s what I’m about, my strongest suit is being relatable. I love connecting with people. I definitely don’t allow my fullness to be realized. I know it’s because of fear. I know to some degree I do bare minimum shit though, I’m a person that likes to put my soul into all that I do, I think when it comes to the leveling up of who you are & you shed another layer you realize, you can go a lot deeper at some point. What you did before was surface level to what you can actually do now. A different you, requires something different out of you.
My goal is to not censor myself. Allow the free-flow of my being allow myself to express my vulnerability in whatever way I feel. Just enjoy the experience instead of feeling it’s a burden.

It’s part of why I started this blog, to allow myself to be vulnerable and shift out loud. If I don’t have to do this phase in the dark and alone…Why would or should I? I have started several blogs over the years but never kept them up because of how open I was or had to be. I allowed myself to shrink and I am not longer doing that. I love the freedom no matter how cringey it makes me feel sometimes. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable. Be intimate with yourself (that’ll be something else I will write about in the near future) I can’t wait to see myself rise from the ashes and see what this new phase has in store for me.

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You have a choice & it’s YOU!

With the everyday hustle and bustle of life, we go through the motions and we tend to forget one thing that matters. Th one person that we need to connect with from time to time throughout the day and that person is…. YOURSELF. We’ve seen family members before us that neglected themselves to be the rock for everybody else and we realize that didn’t always fair well for them. Like a badge of honor we wear the pain of our struggles and being able to keep moving forward with life as if nothing is wrong when a lot of the time, everything seems wrong. We sometimes forget to take care of ourselves but we spend time taking care of others in a lot of different ways and a lot of the time we’re extending these feelings to people that aren’t even worthy of it.

We walk around on autopilot. Saying you don’t have time to care of yourself, you don’t have the space to just be able to center. There’s a lot that can come with you being with yourself. You can uncover things that were once buried. Sometimes you just don’t want to face yourself. Its necessary you’ll discover why you’re in a certain continuous loop in your life and find ways to get out of it. Heal through it. You need Self-Care, it’s imperative, Self-Preservation is Law! How can you pour into others from an empty cup? You need that time to calm and silence the noise of the world around you and be able to just regroup. If you want to be of service to others you need to take care of yourself and start choosing YOU more often.

Reconnect with yourself, Check in with yourself. How have you been feeling? Have you been enjoying your favorite pastimes? Are there any imbalances in relationships around you? When is the last time you inner child came out to play? What is your body telling you? We live in a fast paced society. At some capacity you are ALWAYS being demanded by people. Your time and energy is always being sought after. You have the right to be able to step back and say “NO” You have the right to take time to yourself and just rest. Give yourself permission to do it. You don’t have to always just sit idle and check in. its all about mindfulness, You can be walking into work , just say “Hi” to yourself. See what it is that you need and be intentional about providing that for yourself. Create that peace you need and want by going within. It’ll be the best decision that you’ve made in a long time!

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It’s Me, Selene!

Heey Earthlings!, Welcome to my new blog “Innerwhispers” I am Selene Athena, I started this as a podcast under the same name and decided, I talk a lot why not expand, Plus I love to write it seems a lot easier at times to write than speak so why not expand. A lot of my blog will be in alignment with a particular podcast episode, sometimes I may go rogue and it won’t have anything to do with the podcast. I am an advocate for Self-love, Self-care, Ancestral Healing, Mental Health/Wellness and spirituality in relations to people of color. I am here for personal liberation in all aspects, I am sharing my personal experiences along my journey spreading the wisdom that I have obtained over the years on my Spiritual and Self-Love journey. I am a tarot reader, Spiritual Healer, Spiritual Teacher. I hope all that are meant to align with my blog and any other projects that I do will get what they need and that I am able to articulate such things. Thank you and I am grateful to share my experience with you all

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Expansion: The Start of something beautiful!!

Healing Outloud

Don’t let the saboteur knock you off your track

Inner whispers is about your inner voice. Your higher self. The voice within you. Ever had random nudges that just sent certain signals to your body? Yea that.
I speak to & from your soul. Help you see your true power, wisdom, shift in perspective, healing & all the subconscious & conscious thoughts feeling etc.
We take trip through the veil through hearing, feeling, listening to our inner whispers.

To Surrender or get Dragged!?

This entire year has definitely been about learning to release my control issues. Always wondering and trying to figure out the “How” and When” of everything which a lot of time can lead to you not making any movement at all. Keeping yourself “stuck” I have been use to just doing it myself. I grew up hearing “If you want something done ‘right’, you do it yourself” I have certainly taken this on feeling that no one can do things the way I know I need (or what I think I know) it to be handled. If I don’t move, I wont be able to obtain the things I need for me to be able to get things done.

I would hit blocks on a lot of occasions because I was getting hit with the “Be patient:” or ” You cant do this by yourself” yet I ALWAYS made the attempt to do so because things needed to be done and I HAD to be the one to do them. I would often rush projects or rush into action no matter what it was really and get good results that wouldn’t last long or I hadn’t expected or didn’t get results at all. It was like I was constantly hitting a brick wall. Not sure why it was but it started to get frustrating. So I would ram myself more into this brick wall because I was going to get through and get what I needed.

I would stay in jobs that I didn’t too much care for, the universe would send me signals that my time is up but I would stay because I don’t have another plan. Nothing has come through for me yet. Why would I quit and not have a secure back up? That makes sense right? Well, I ended up being dragged out of that situation because I wasn’t trusting things were going to be worked out because I couldn’t physically see how it would work out. But I intuitively knew I needed to go. I think a lot of it had to do with pride to, letting my ego and fear into the way of doing what I felt I needed to do. Either way, I ended up leaving the job but the way I left. Wasn’t pretty, It was like I got in trouble for not doing what I was told because I was so busy wanting to be in control of how it would look instead of trusting how I felt and had faith in my knowing.

I have carried this lesson with me and have been intentionally and actively allowing myself to surrender control. That has been a heavy theme for, especially in regards to trusting my intuition. It has shown me how little control I really had and how that control in itself is and was an illusion. Needless to say, I have been dragged by the Divine and Universal Laws enough to make sure that I am in a space of surrendering. It looks like, for me anyway,, Not knowing which way to go or what you should be actually doing when you’ve tried everything in the mundane aspect to get things popping. That means there’s other forces at work and you have to allow yourself to be a team player and allow things to work themselves out.

Often times we forget the simplicated aspects of energy, it’s so layered and there are a lot of things that you aren’t able to see or know at that time as to why certain things aren’t working out. Example: You want to get a new job, you’ve applied to places, had interviews, and no one has contacted you back, EVEN AFTER you’ve done a follow up to let you know if you do or don’t have the position. You get frustrated and never sure why so either you keep trying to push it and still feel like you’re not going anywhere or/and you feel defeated. Only to get a call back from a place a couple of weeks later to learn they were switching systems, management changed and other factors you couldn’t have foreseen but nonetheless, you get the job and your pay is more than you expected it would be. When you get that feeling and that urge to just be still be patient and trust the process. Do it. You never know what’s on the other side of that surrendering.
It doesn’t always have to be a fight. We can make things a lot easier for ourselves if we just simply allowed ourselves to release control.

We get in our way more time than we like to think, I have surrender total control over to the Divine going into the New Year. It has been a pain in my ass LOL but I know it’s necessary for my expansion, I have to trust wholly, soully and faithfully the hands that are guiding me to my next step. It’s like I am blindfolded someone has my hand leading me to the surprise, I can feel where I am going but unable to see it which can make you anxious because you have no control in the direction that you’re going, You know where you want to go and how it feels but no sure of the how. I am understanding that there’s beauty in the mystery and beauty in allowing myself to be able to freely flow like a little kid with excitement about newness. I have done it the hard way too many times. I want the path of least resistance, I want the simplified route so that’s the route I am choosing

What are you choosing going into the New Year? Surrender or Are you going to get dragged? They both get you to where you want and need to be but one is a lot more fun and a lot less painful

#Surrender #Trusttheproccess #Faith #Levelup

Releasing the illusion of burden

A few days ago, I made a post about feeling like a burden. During meditation last night I figured it was a lot deeper than just the surface I expressed, I felt like I was emotionally & mentally a burden to myself & therefore to others be it true or false. I didn’t realize I looked at myself at some aspect as emotionally or mentally a burden until I had to face things I’ve said to myself growing up “Who would want to deal with me & I’m just so mentally fucked?”
“I’m just a lot to deal with”
“How/Why can(would) somebody deal with someone that deal with depression & anxiety?”
“I’m damaged”
“I barely want to deal with myself”
etc
I would hear it from other people & I’d say it to myself. I internalized these ideas & made them true
You don’t realize the spells you put over yourself in your dark spaces & how it begins to trickle into a manifestation in other areas of your life. It’s self-sabotage & detrimental to my growth to carry this weight. I realized how it also plays a role in my lack of vulnerability. I’m a person with depth & can be intense that I always felt it was bad thing. My thoughts & ideas aren’t anywhere near a lot of people thought they can be pretty out there.
It’s interesting to have such clarity & self awareness & being able to heal your wounds without judgement of yourself. Over the years I’ve learned to be kind, vulnerable & compassionate with myself it feels good. 💞🦋🌻 #Theshiftcontinues #Embracingallofme #Divine

Thinking and Feeling out loud

Days like this is when I have to remember & reaffirm myself in my “why” I’ve gotten better because some parts of me use to feel guilty & in turn deviate from my inner truth.
These days, I find myself more confident, more sure of it more in tune & aligned even without the tangible results of it in its fullness. I made choices that’s brought about my inner peace that reminded me what it felt like to feel good. What it feels like to choose yourself & I’m HOOKED. It’s not always smooth sailing, it’s bumpy sometimes & today’s just one of those bumps in the road.
One things for sure, my “why” makes the bumps manageable & worth it. I don’t know when the last time I’ve felt so good & been so sure of where I’m headed even when I’m having a crappy day. I still feel good because it’s not lasting, sometimes you have to be broken down to be put together, I remember why I made choices that I’ve made & learning it’s all a part of the experience.
I’m sitting outside listening to the Ravens speak, reminding me of the spiritual, mental & emotional wisdom & intelligence I’ve mastered, grown & adapted into over time. I have to remember to give myself more credit & praise.
It’s all been worth it now & it’ll be worth it much more later! I just have to stay true to myself. I know what it’s been like not to be. I’m over that existence.
Sometimes, it’s frustrating when your internal growth hasn’t manifested itself into the physical yet.
But I know it’s in the slow-cooker doing its thing & I’m just letting it. #Theshiftcontinues 🦋💞

The Becoming

Happy Self-Love Saturday!!!
I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a while. For some reason, I kept putting it off. Well, I won’t say for some reason, the real reason was because I had so much to say, but didn’t think what I said matter (when childhood wounds surface). My act of Self-Love today is creating this blog with a little more depth about me.

I grew up loving to write. Writing was and always has been my biggest outlet and form of self expression, I love wordplay and how you can paint a picture with words and how it can stimulate all of your senses. At some point I silenced myself. I started to censor what I said and just felt like nothing I said mattered, no one cared etc. At a later date I will get into the gunkiness of my childhood, right now…. I just want to swoon over how my spiritual journey reconnected me with my love for writing.

I was aware I was on a spiritual journey in about 2013-2014. I had went through a series of “tower moments” that I was at a complete loss, I didn’t feel like I belonged and was seeking my “home”. I did research on a ton of religions and nothing really resonated, I grew up in a Baptist Christian household, I came across Wicca, One of my Best Friends is Wiccan, it resonated until it didn’t LOL but it was a start for me. Time progressed and I moved from Wicca into my own Eclectic form of my journey, taking what resonates and creating my own way of being. I have always been one to dance to my own drum beat. I got real serious about my healing in late 2014 early 2015, that’s when I started working with my Ancestors.

I felt like something was missing. I just knew that things were a lot deeper and greater than me, during this period I got back into journaling. I tend to be in my head a lot and don’t always speak out loud or write it out. Sometimes it’s laziness but even the laziness of it all stems from something, I constantly asked “When did I get to this point of not wanting to write?” I published my first book in 2012, I loved writing stories and poetry. I saw the decline in me doing it but had no idea how to stop myself from declining.

I know I needed to. The release was something very necessary for me but my heart wasn’t in it like it use to be. Then I remembered, my privacy had been breached when I was growing up. My Mom use to read my journals and that stopped me from wanting to write. My Grandma passed away in 2007, so that adds to an overflow of so much emotion that I wasn’t sure how to express it. I felt I couldn’t get it out, I literally felt so clogged. That conclusion came to me once I realized I wasn’t even being completely honest or giving my all in my journaling. How are you censoring yourself from yourself?

I knew I had to heal through this so I made an effort to journal daily, even if it was me giving myself topics to write on. I missed writing, I was depressed, angry and suicidal through poetry was the way I was able to release. When I allowed myself the space to be free and remind myself that I was safe in my healing space (Writing is healing) I just let myself go free with my self-expression. It hasn’t always been easy. Each time I was gentle with myself and gave myself permission to purge without fear, worry or judgement, I mean that was basically part of why I was censoring myself due to those factors. I finally decided to take it a step further and talk to myself out loud to the public LOL. I thought of EVERY reason why I shouldn’t or couldn’t do it but didn’t give myself to just go for it.

I know my Throat Chakra could use some exercise and more healing. It was time for the transition of healing in silence to doing so out in the open, boldly and freely. Making this decision has lit a certain fire under my ass, a new sense of peace. It’s beautiful when you allow yourself to do something that you want to do, that feels good to you. This is a tangible show of how far I’ve come and grown. It feels good to be able to in cooperate my spirituality into something else I love , writing. I am not worrying about if it’s perfect, what somebody might think, say or feel. Because whomever is meant to find my blog, that I am meant to connect and resonate with will receive what I put out in the way that best fits them at the time.

I love making connections and I am sure I will have many through this experience, sometimes the process can be lonely and frustrating, especially when you feel like you’re in a rut and it’s too deep for you to get out but I was always determined to get back into it. I have aspirations to publish more books, best seller books at that! I just know that my expansion and evolution has helped me to be a better writer and I can’t wait to see my own evolution and share it with others as I grow. Don’t give up on your truth, what you really want to do. What helps keep you sane. Understand we all arrive where we need to be when we truly need to be there and I am grateful to have FINALLY arrived and feel a sense of wholeness at the same time. Isn’t that what it’s all about?